Tuesday, July 30, 2013

A letter to Oscar and Bella

Dear Oscar and Bella,

Today you turned 4. Do the celebrate birthdays in heaven? We sure do celebrate them down here, though not in the way most people would celebrate birthdays. Today your mommy and me took the day off, as we do every year in order to do things to remember you. That was my promise to you some time after you were born, every July 30th would be your day, and I will not break that promise.

Today we shopped for you. Bella I picked out a breakfast, and a snack I thought you would like. Oscar I picked out a lunch and a dinner I thought you would like. It is nice to put myself into what I think you would be thinking about and get you things I think you would like. I hope I got it right and I really did get you things you would enjoy. I wish I had you here with me so that I didn't have to hope and guess. I wish I got the chance to know you.

After we shopped for you your mommy and I donated all of the food we got for you to a food bank. I know at 4 years old it is hard to give away things that you like and things that you want- but it is important to help others. I hope you get to watch the people who got your food enjoy it. I know I would like to see people enjoying the food I got for you.

Mommy and daddy then went to a movie. We picked a movie we think you would enjoy watching. It was Monsters University. Oscar I think you would have enjoyed it more than Bella did. I cried during the movie.

I didn't cry very often before you two were born. Please don't take that as a sign of you having done something wrong. Today during the movie I cried because I remembered something about you Oscar that I had not thought about in a long time. I am so proud of the way you tried to save your sister.

I don't know why you both had to go to heaven and not grow up with mommy and daddy. I don't understand how it happened, or why it happened. I know you both deserved to grow up with your parents, and your parents deserved to get to watch you grow up. I wish I could tell you that after 4 years I was better able to accept what happened but I just can't. I want you here with me. I miss you every day. I love you.