Short post today. I have felt guilty about not writing for the last week, and figured the only way to get over that guilt is to start writing more often. I lit the Oscar, Bella, and Tittle candles early today... I hope they were looking down and were proud of their daddy as he chased their little brother all over the house as the brother wouldn't take his nap, and got into everything! Onto the post---
While talking with a coworker the super cute picture of my rainbow son Gus got noticed. I am so proud of it that I just have to share, I hope you'll allow me that.
Of course that triggered my least favorite question. "How many do you have at home?" Why does that question always come up? I stumbled, and muttered some answer about one, but quickly corrected myself with saying "Well only one at home at least." That got me a weird look, and an even stranger reaction once I explained. That caused an uncomfortable silence, one that almost always comes. After the uncomfortable silence I simply started talking about the task at hand and moved on.
I have decided that even with the uncomfortable silence I am always going to mention my other children. Over 2 years out from my first loss and I am just getting there. I really can't explain why that took me so long. I hope Oscar, Bella and Tittle can understand daddy is a work in progress and he is always trying to be a better father.
Just found your blog through the LFCA. You write beautifully, and I think it is amazing to have a man's perspective on pregnancy loss.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your journey.
If you ever want to guest post on my site, it would be awesome. We are always looking for the male perspective!!!
ReplyDeleteYou mention pictures of Oscar and Bella. I would love to see them some day, if you ever deside to post some. I feel certain that your readers would see their beauty. I am very glad that a man has taken the initiative to write a father's perspective on baby loss.
ReplyDeleteI have struggled with posting pictures of Oscar and Bella. I fear that the internet being what it is could hurt me and my family if cruel things were done with the pictures. Those pictures are one of the few things I have of them, and I have to protect them. I know it is a double standard since I have put up a picture of my other child, but at this time I am ok with that double standard. Different children need different things.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else have thoughts on this?